Worse Than Bloodlust
by Yasona Black
Summary: What's worse than bloodlust for vampires? Bella finds out when Edward introduces her to fanfiction.
1. Part One

Worse Than Bloodlust  
PG-13/T for suggestive material  
Summary: Bella's bored, so Edward introduces her to the computer. Canon pairings.

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"So, what do we do now?" I asked, looking over at Edward's beautiful face. He seemed to ponder this for a moment.

"What? You don't want to continue what we've been doing?" Edward asked, with a suggestive grin.

I smiled. "Well, it's not that it isn't fun; we've just been at it for quite awhile."

"That's true," Edward answered.

"There's also no Volturi to bother us, werewolf issues, or any danger at all…"

"You sound almost wistful," Edward said uncertainly.

"Well, I'm bored!" I said, sitting up and putting my hands on my hips. "It's four in the morning, and since I can't sleep, I need to do something new!"

Edward's face fell.

I rolled my eyes. "Don't you dare go all guilty-Edward on me! How many times do I have to tell you, I _wanted_ this!" I nimbly stepped out of bed and walked towards the closet. Even though it had been almost a year since the day we stood up to the Volturi, I was still slightly unnerved at my own grace. I glanced inside the closet and groaned.

"What is it?"

I huffed. "Alice."

"Ah."

"You would think she could just leave my clothes alone. Every time we leave the house for even a second, she finds some way to ruin all my clothes." I pushed away the offending articles and drew deeper into the closet. Wait, yes, there it was. "Ah ha!" I said jubilantly, pulling out a pair of flannel pajamas and putting them on.

When I turned around, Edward was already dressed. Edward breezed to my side. "I believe I have an idea," he whispered in my ear.

"I already said—"

"Not that. Although I wouldn't mind that at all," he said, pulling my arm. "Now, I know you had this thing called a computer. Although, it's ancient by modern day standards."

"You're ancient by modern-day standards."

"Actually, I'm nineteen by modern-day standards. But we digress. Nights do tend to get boring, and computers seem to be a rather lot of fun if you know where to look. For an instance, there's this thing called 'fanfiction', where everyday people write stories about books you read."

I wrinkled my face. "Sounds a little geeky."

"It does, but it's an awful lot of fun. Let me show you."

He brought me to the Dell computer and sat me down in the chair. Pulling up another chair, he started typing in the URL for the site. "So where do you want to go?" Edward asked.

I bit my lip and remembered my copy of _Wuthering Heights_. "Books," I said, pointing my finger at the screen.

There were three long columns and I perused the top book titles. _1-800-Where-R-You_, _Enchanted Forest_, and _O'Malley Series_. "Scroll down," I said, looking at the third column.

Knowing where I was going, Edward started scrolling down past the 'R's and the 'S's. Predictably heading to my favorite book. I caught a glimpse of the 'T's and frowned. "Wait, go back."

Edward scrolled back to the top of the page.

"No, to the 'T's."

Edward gave a wry grin and shook his head, but scrolled to the lower middle of the page.

"There," I said, "click on Twilight."

"What's Twilight?" Edward asked curiously.

"I don't know," I answered truthfully. "I just have a feeling. Something we might want to see."

"So extrasensory perception is now one of your powers?" Edward asked teasingly. "Forty-one thousand?"he asked, clicking on the link.

We stared at the screen.

"Is that…?"

I shook my head. "No way…it has to be a coincidence, right?"

Edward frowned.

"Some of them say "All Human," yet others talk about, umm, Bella, being a vampire before I met, or she met, you, Edward."

Edward tore his face from the screen, and looked at me. "Even when you try to stammer, you're voice sounds beautiful."

"You said that when I was human too," I reminded him, still looking at the screen. "It says Cullens… I think this is us."

Edward turned back to the screen and slowly shook his head. "No way," he said.

"Well, it is kind of cool that there are people writing about us."

"Don't you see?" Edward asked angrily. "This is a fanfiction site. If these characters are us that means someone's been writing our lives out for us! We live and die according to their wishes!"

"Well, we don't die easily…"

"That's not the point! This means, the whole time we've been living or not living, whatever you want to call it, that we've done _nothing of our own accord!_"

"Edward! Calm down. Maybe it's not really us. Let's read one of them."

Edward's face still look strained but he complied and clicked on one.

"What's this one called?"

"AIM the Cullen Way."

"Informative," I said. "What does "A/N" stand for?"

"Author's note," Edward answered. "It's for extra information about the story."

"So, these people she's talking to, in the bold, underlined formatting, are helping the story?"

"I don't believe so…She seems to be talking to either herself, or her imaginary friends."

"Fascinating," I said sardonically.

"Well, it doesn't always judge the way the story is." He scrolled down.

"She has lengthy conversations," I pointed out, proud of my observational skills.

Finally, we reached the point where the 'A/N' had useful information. It wrote down the instant messenger names complete with who was who.

"I think this is us," I whispered. There was a Bella whose screen name was KclutzyChik, an Edward whose name was HotSmexyVampyre, an Alice whose name SychicVibrtions, and a Jasper who was Emokick. Rosalie was Gorgeousincarnate. Emmet was HuggableTeddy. Even Charlie, Carlisle, and Esme had screen names. ProudDad, SexyDoc, and MotherlyLadyKnivesOfSteel. And then there were two possible ones that might show up later: Renee as BitchyMom and Renesmee has CreepyBabyWithOddName.

"Holy…" I whispered.

Edward didn't even remark on how close I had come to swearing. He read the next line out loud: "There's no Jacob in this because I hate him. I also can't write werewolves, so there won't be any werewolves at all. I also hated Breaking Dawn, so it didn't happen. And Renesmee is just a possibility."

My jaw dropped. "They hate Jacob? How could anyone hate Jacob?" Edward raised an eyebrow. "Well, apart from vampires?" With a slight tilt of his head, Edward conceded, but the little flare was still burning in his eyes. I sighed. "He can't help that he imprinted on Renesmee," I said, once again. It seemed as if we were always having this conversation. "Besides," I began, "I thought you two were getting along better?"

Edward turned back to the screen and scrunched his eyes. "I can't even read this," he said in awe.

"Of course you can, I said offhandedly. "We have terrific eyesight." I turned to the computer and raised an eyebrow. "You weren't kidding," I said breathlessly. "I mean, I know ROFL, but what is the rest of this?"

"It's like they were drunk while they were typing."

"I don't think a single word is spelled correctly. Edward, are these authors even five years old yet?"

Edward shook his head slowly. Again. "I don't know…" He clicked on the author's link.

"Mrs. Isabelle Cullen-Black?" I asked incredulously. "How does that even happen?" Thinking of Renesmee, I thought better of my question. "Never mind," I said.

"She's not a troll," Edward stated in disbelief. "She has _forty-three_ 'stories' all with hundreds of reviews!"

"You know, I thought we didn't have any secrets. But apparently my husband's an internet dork complete with the lingo and definitions," I said.

"A troll is someone who posts trash stories just to anger people and get a rise. They want flamers to flame their stories."

I decided not to ask what 'flamers' were. Although, they didn't sound pleasant.

Edward closed the extra page and hit the back button. "There used to be good stories. At the very least, there can be good stories about us, right?"

I chose not to respond. Not until Edward clicked on the next story. The screen popped up, every word was italicized, and the author's note had been bolded and underlined also. It was the latter that unnerved me.

_**Hey peeps loyal reviewers future reviewers I need 20 reveiws per chappie Oh Parings r as following: bellaxjasper edwardxemmete rosaliexoc alicexoc maybe a bit fo bellaxemmet and edwardxrosalie.**_

Edward turned to stare at me.

"I don't like Jasper!" I screeched. "Or Emmett! They can't be serious! Read the rest!"

Only five sentences made the sum of the chapter.

_One day Bella realized how muchy she hatesd Edward. He was retardeds. So she was sad and jasper came out and gave her a hug. His emo clothes got in the way but she didn't mind. "jasper." Bella asked. "will you fuck me?" and jasper nodded and took her inside._

"I would never say that!"

"Well, obviously this isn't real because everyone knows you can't swear. And when you do, it comes out garbled and edited beyond belief," Edward said. I think he said it more to convince himself than to prove anything to me.

"Maybe you should read the summaries first. Do they tell you the, umm, pairings?" I asked, stumbling over the last word.

Edward kept scrolling down the pages. Almost every single fiction was dubbed either dubbed 'All Human' or filled with 'BxJ, OCxOC, exe, etcetera.'

"Oh look! There's one that's listed as 'all vamps'. Edward clicked on the link; while everything was spelled correctly, it was one, long, run-on sentence and one paragraph. Hitting the back button, Edward went to the next fiction and read the summary out loud:

"_After Edward leaves in New Moon, Bella becomes goth and sings in a band. What happens when three hundred years later, the cullens find her with another guy?! gasp shock Victoria turned Bella that's why she's alive!!"_

"I never went goth!"

"Victoria turned you," Edward grounded out, a biting edge to his voice.

"No, she didn't," I said, sighing. "And even if she did get a hold of me, I wouldn't be alive. She wanted to kill me, remember?"

"Yes, I remember," Edward replied scathingly.

"It was your idea to do this," I reminded him. "Why don't we take a break? Do something else?"

"We should leave a review and remind them who we're supposed to be," Edward said.

I rolled my eyes. There was a downside to being a vampire. Apparently, having extra time creates unusual past times. "It's times like these I wish food still tasted good." On cue, Edward looked up with his guilty face. I glared and he went back to the computer. He had minimized the site and opened up Word. He began to type furiously and huffing a little, I left the room.

Forget bloodlust, boredom was the downfall of vampires. Already, boredom had seized hold of me and I found myself more and more curious as to the whole world of fanfiction. Either I was in trouble, or trouble was going to come for me. Again.

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A/N: I have the strangest feeling I will receive some unpleasant reviews for this. However, I do ask for constructive criticism and if the characters are OOC at all. I do know Edward is a little…off. So any help would be nice!

This is not the end! There is at least one more chapter planned.


	2. Part Two

Worse Than Bloodlust  
Part Two

A/N: I had some issues with this chapter, but I hope it still turned out pretty good. If you notice OOCness, please feel free to let me know.

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I stood in the doorway and sighed.

"Oh, Bella, he's just having fun," Alice said, turning around with a knowing smile on her face.

"Did he always used to do this?" I asked.

"Of course he didn't do it every minute of the day. There's simply too much time to continue perusing pages and pages of human creations."

"He's currently consumed by it. It's a little freaky if you ask me," I said. And in truth it was freaky. Edward had taken to reviewing each and every story that he disliked and thought was "not very good". "I'm starting to wish I had never asked to do something different."

"Monotony in bed, Emmett?" Rosalie's voice resounded down the hallway. "Why that can't be right!"

"It means they're doing it wrong!" Emmett yelled back.

I grimaced as Emmett came up behind me. "You know Bella, you two don't always have to do it missionary-style. I know Edward can be a bit behind the times, but I'm sure even proper gentlemen know how to play."

If I had still been human my face would've been bright red. As it was, my eyes widened and I slapped him across the head.

"Hey! I was just teasing you!"

"So what's boring Bella today?" Rosalie asked, faking an air of disinterest.

Alice grinned. "Edward wanted to introduce her to fanfiction."

"That geeky past-time of his he wouldn't even look twice at once Bella came along?" Emmett asked.

I sighed again. "And apparently, there's stuff about us—"

"Edward and Bella found a Twilight section that's about vampires," Alice said, practically bouncing in her seat.

"How long have you known?!" I cried.

"Since about five minutes before you decided to come and stand at my door and sigh," Alice answered, "But anyways, the Twilight section are for stories all about us. At least, that's what it seems. None of us are entirely sure as to why and there is the question of whether we're just a story ourselves."

A silence fell over the room.

"Well, I'm bored," Emmett spoke up. "I'll check it out."

I cocked my head towards Emmet in a questioning look.

"What?! You can only do so many different positions in a day."

I chose to remain silent. I was slightly embarrassed that my mind had headed that way in such a fashion. I supposed living near him and Rosalie all the time probably didn't help.

Rosalie shook her golden curls but shrugged her shoulders. "I suppose it would be a way to kill time. And if nothing else, to watch Edward freak out over supposedly skewed personalities."

"Has anything like this happened before?" I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me. Although, thinking about it now, I wasn't sure I wanted to know how obsessive he had gotten with the computer before he had met me.

"Oh he used to rave about it," Rosalie said smiling.

There was a touch of evil to her smile and I took an uncertain step away from her.

"He used to go watch some movie in Seattle and come home and turn on that computer. He'd be there for _hours_ and then would come around with the rest of us and rant quietly to himself."

"He used to say something like, 'Oh oh see,' all the time and it was odd," Emmett added.

"They're letters," I supplied. "OOC. It's an acronym for Out Of Character."

All eyes turned on me and I felt like eight inches tall. "Don't look at me. Edward told me."

"Come on!" Alice yelled. "We're going to see stories about us!"

"How do you know?" Rosalie asked.

Alice lifted a hand to her head and closed her eyes. "I have foreseen it. Now let's go!"

When we entered the room Edward's hands and jaw were clenched. He looked up at the sight of everyone in the doorway. Looking over everyone his eyes settled on mine. I grinned and he got up and started walking towards me.

He stopped right in front of me and ignored everyone else. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alice head over to the empty computer chair, claiming it for her own. Rosalie and Emmett followed.

I focused on Edward as he grabbed my hands. "You know I love you, right?"

The rational part of me told me that I should be irritated with him, that this all probably had to do with another 'Bella falls for Emmett and Jasper' story. But looking at his beautiful face? I melted and smiled. "Of course, I know that."

"And you love me too?"

"Of course, I love you, Edward." How could I not? His beautiful face, his all encompassing wonderfulness…What wasn't there to love? As I saw relief settle on his face I realized how glad I was for not being irritated with him. We could've had a huge misunderstanding there. "Now, what did you find to make you think that I wasn't in love with you?"

"Lots," Alice answered for him. "Did you know that Bella and I are an item?" she asked.

"There's quite a few of those," Edward ground out. "And some of them are actually decently written."

"And there's a story here completely about Rosalie and how mean she is."

I swear I saw the slightest smirk on Rosalie's face but it was gone as soon as I saw it.

"Edward!" Alice cried. "You didn't!"

"What I'd do?" Edward asked.

"You did not leave this review on some poor girl's story. She's probably crying right now," Alice said.

"What's her name?"

"2005."

"Have you read her story? Actually, don't even bother. It's that bad. Just jump to the last chapter. It's titled "IMPORTANT ANN!!".

"You mean Ann?"

I glanced at Edward's face. "I think he only wishes he did."

Alice's jaw dropped. "I'm almost glad I wasn't prepared for that. It would've meant that I would've had to read that twice." She turned around to Edward. "You did leave a rather mean review."

"What did he say?" I asked, my curiosity once again getting the better of me.

Emmett leaned over Alice's shoulder as she moved the mouse to click on the review page. "This story strikes a sad chord deep within my heart. The poor grammar and sentence structure aside, the plot is flimsy at best. The characters are cardboard cut-outs of high school drama and stereotypes. These characters do not even remotely resemble Bella, Jasper, Emmet, or Edward. Bella being a "goth" is highly ridiculous. She doesn't like clothes or make-up! Her taking the time to look like one is highly unlikely. Perhaps you should take the time to know your characters before writing them into this thing that you call a story."

"Poetic," Rosalie responded dryly as Emmett finished. "Was that your best attempt at being angry or were you holding yourself back?"

"He was holding back alright," I said for him, remembering when I saw him arguing about switching his biology class to another period.

Alice closed the review page and let Emmett stare at the chapter.

"This little girl, Alice," Emmett began, "seems to have a large vocabulary of curse words. She used: fuck, bitch, whore, bastard, son of a bitch, freaking asshole, fucking asshole, man who lives in his mother's basement, cunt, and mother-fucker."

I whistled. "Was that all because of Edward?"

"Yup," Alice answered.

"Edward," I began, "I have an idea."

"What is it?"

"Give up reading fanfiction. We'll do something more interesting with our time."

Edward seem to struggle with himself. I raised an eyebrow. "Edward," I said, nodding my head towards the computer, "we really don't need to deal with that."

"You're quite right," he said finally. "I'm sure Jacob's more literate than any of them. Actually, any of the dogs would be more literate than them."

I chose to ignore his insult. I had won this battle. I wrapped my arms around him and said, "Let's do something exciting." He smiled and we left the room.

"Wait! What if we are in a fanfiction ourselves?" Alice yelled. "Oh wait, never mind. It should be good, especially now that I'm in it."

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The End

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A/N: This part sort of mutated on me, but I think it might have made it better than what I originally planned. Of course, I could be wrong and this was just an awful chapter.

Thank Psychic-Porsche-3 for reminding me that I haven't finished this story. (Especially considering I only have tonight and tomorrow before I will be swamped with a whole bunch of classes and papers. In fact, thank you Psychi-Porsche-3!!

Please review. Constructive criticism is greatly appreciated.


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